Lessons I've Learned...............

Some the hard way! ~ When you get the groceries out of your car and realize one of the bags is leaking...when you get home, don't throw the bags on the bed! ~Just because something is on sale, doesn't mean you should buy it. ~When your car is making funny noises, don't go out for ice cream, get it fixed. ~Some things are worth a little extra money being spent (like a cereal that's really good for you instead of one that chucks you full of sugar and has you snoozin' by 10 a.m.) ~If you work out and wake up the next day sore, get up and get moving, or else you have to start all over with training your body. ~Never underestimate the power of taking daily vitamins. ~Plants need water, or else they die. ~Not having T.V. and Internet readily available is a good thing - a really good thing ~Being alone with yourself is the best way to find out how real you are. (Yes, I also laugh out loud when I fart and no one is around.) ~They say clothes don't make a man, but dressing up can sure make them treat you like a lady. ~If it says "child-resistant" and you don't have children, don't buy it, 'cuz it's just gonna end up pissin' you off. ~Not giving God and the Good Book your undivided attention daily (and I don't just mean the ten minutes before you go to bed) doesn't mean bad things will happen to you, but it does mean that day is not as good as it could have been. ~Just because your speedometer goes up to 100 mph, doesn't mean you should drive that fast....ever. ~Deferments rock - but they are temporary, and on certain loans, your interest is still accumulating every month....yikes! ~Just because something feels right, doesn't always mean it is. ~When you are 20, people think it's cool when you rebel, smoke, drink and break the rules. However, when you are 30, overweight, can't breathe, and are still breaking the rules, nobody thinks you're cool anymore - take care of yourself. ~Doing something for someone else can often make you feel better about yourself. ~Nobody is going to knock on your door and hand you your future, you have to wake up every morning and decide what you are going to do to get there yourself. ~Dreaming is great - getting off your butt and doing is even better. ~The best way to find out who you are capable of becoming, is to be willing to reach beyond who you already are. I have learned many more things, these just happen to be the ones that are in my brain today! Life has been a rollercoaster, and right now i think i just got to the bottom of the biggest hill, i'm catching my breath, throwing my hands up in the air, laughing hysterically, and enjoying the rest of the ride!!! Jeremiah 29:11

Time Flies............

When you're having a blast!!!!! I don't have much time to type (like 10 minutes), but i realized i haven't typed a journal in for-eva! well, actually i had typed like two of them, really long ones, too, but a couple different people came up and talked to me while i was typing and one got erased and then my computer completely re-booted for the other one ....... bummer. no big thing! if that's the worst that happens, i think i'm gonna be okay :) unfortunately, that's not the worst thing that has happened. my jeep decided to go blsdjfldsfjsajfskfjdsl! seriously, cost me like 600 dollars! WHAT?! but....i just happened to have exactly that amount saved up, unfortunately i had it saved up for rent, food, gas, the usual. that is a huge step that i had that money saved up......a little set back, looks like furniture will have to wait, i might not even have a place to live!!! totally kidding, of course. i have complete faith that God will take care of me.....i had faith that He would with this jeep business, and, of course, He did!! God rocks!! I cannot say it enough..... Just when i think i'm getting too busy and starting to let time with J.C. slip.......I hear Him whisper my name, cuz i missed Him anyway, i sit down and give Him some time, and everything is back in perspective.....when i say I haven't talked to Him in a while, or read the Good Book, i mean like it's been not even a full 24 hours....that is some good stuff!!!!!! i tell ya what...if you haven't let God take control, and trust that He can change your heart...you are missing something HUGE!! I was missing it.....i was missin' so much. to think, i'm just beginning to get it...and He hasn't even begun to reveal His glory to me!!!! I never thought that life could be like this......I never realized that I didn't really KNOW my Heavenly Father, I mean His character and stuff. I knew about Him, and i definitely feared Him, but i didn't KNOW Him. people are really starting to ask me to be involved.........i'm beating them off with a stick the best i can, but it's tough!!! i'm having so much fun meeting people, going to class (yeah, i like class!), living in my apartment, and having the opportunity to work hard in all of it. most of all i'm having fun learning more about God, and getting to know Him personally. Forgiven and Set Free......that's me. I hope one day, all of you can know half the joy that i know today!!! I wish you peace and love and freedom, all the days of your life!!!! To God be the Glory Forever and Ever!! I hope all of you find something to laugh about everyday, for me, it's usually myself, but other people doing stupid things makes me laugh too!!! Love ya all!!!! Peace!! Oh yeah, Happy late birthday Bob, Lori, Aunt Dee, and Tara!! Happy early birthday Sara!!! Love ya girl!!

Keep on Singin' My Song.....

After the ranting and raving in my last journal, I feel somewhat compelled to write another one. This one is more of what is in my soul today, as opposed to what is on my mind. I was on my way to school and I was playing my Christina Aguilera tape (yes, i still own tapes and i'm not ashamed of it ;) Anyway...the perfect song was on that would describe what took place for me this summer to allow me to be where i am now....lovin' the Lord and lovin' life and livin' each day to the fullest. Who said God doesn't perform miracles anymore? He sure did in my life........ I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and nobody's gonna bring me down today been feeling like nothing's been going my way lately but i decided right here, right now, that my outlook's gonna change That's why i'm gonna say goodbye to all the tears i've cried every time somebody hurt my pride Feelin' like they won't let me live life and take the time to look at what is mine Chorus: I believe they can take anything from me but they can't succeed in taking my inner peace from me, they can say all they wanna say about me, but i'm i'm gonna carry on, ( carry on) i'm gonna keep on (keep on) singin' my song I never wanna dwell on the pain again there's no use in relivin' how i hurt back then Rememberin' too well the hell i felt when i was runnin' out of faith Every step i'm 'bout to take well it's towards a better day cause i'm about to say farewell to every single lie and all the fears i've held too long inside every time i felt i couldn't try, all the negativity and strife 'Cause too long, I've been strugglin', couldn't go on but now i've found i'm feelin' strong and i'm moving on Chorus Every time I tried to be what they wanted from me It never came naturally, so i ended up in misery Was unable to see all the good around me, wasting so much energy on what they thought of me than simply just remembering to breathe I've learned i'm humanly unable to please everyone at the same time so now i find my peace of mind living one day at a time In the end I answer to one God, comes down to one Love till i get to heaven above I have made the decision never to give in till the day i die no matter what I'm gonna carry on, keep on, sinin' my song

Hey Toto, we're not in Michigan anymore.....

So, it's been three days and the weather is still perfect....what's going on? Is this Michigan? I can't help but wonder if it's the quiet before the storm. My mom told me that they are predicting a harsh winter for us this year....WHAT?! What would you call last year? Or every other winter before that? If you ask me, any winter in Michigan is a harsh winter. I am not a big fan of winter. Some people might ask me why I'm still here....well, I was contemplating Florida, but, between Andrew, Frances, and Ivan, looks like Florida is having worse luck with guys than I am. So, here I sit.....with my blue fingernails and goosebumps on my legs even though it's like 70 degrees!! I was walking onto campus today and couldn't help but notice that the flag was at half-staff AGAIN. Seems like I haven't seen a flag at the top of the flagpole for quite some time. I get into the computer lab and am riveted by images of September 11th on the screen. I can't believe I forgot what day it was. I had given some thought to it within the last week, but I guess when you don't have T.V. that also means you don't have the media bombarding you with whatever propoganda they choose to flood your mind with that week. I flipped through some of the pictures they have up and my heart sank. Suddenly, I was overcome with the same feeling I had the day it happened. When I turned on my T.V. just in time to see the second plane hit. There is that song, you know, the one that goes "where were you when the world stopped turning, that September day?". I don't really care for that particular phrase in the song. The world did not stop turning. Even figuratively, I'm sure there were people in Albania or Ethiopia that probably had no idea what had happened. There were some in other countries that were even happy to see it happen. Are we so vain to think, as a nation, we are the center and everybody else orbits around us? That's what the Roman Empire believed at one point, too........anyway, I think another song fits better, it was more like the day America realized "unsinkable ships sink, unbreakable walls break, sometimes the thing you'd think would never happen, happens just like that." Please don't get me wrong, I love this country. I love the people of this country......sometimes I worry, though, about our direction. A lot of people would blame direction on the Director, a.k.a. the President. In a Democracy, however, the directors are the people. Unfortunately, half of the people who are eligible voters, choose not to exercise that right. A Democracy.....hmm. It's funny. I just realized that I went on and on just now about viewpoints I don't generally share with others. It seems whenever you get into a political conversation, either the person or people you are speaking with aren't very well informed, or don't have much of an opinion, or they definitely have an opinion, and proceed to try and make anybody who doesn't share their viewpoint feel like an idiot. I generally avoid those conversations, which is sad, because I love to hear what others think, and where they are coming from on such matters. I was talking with one of my professors one time, and we were discussing some of these things. She asked me why I don't share some of my views in class, and I explained it was because there are always those few in a Political Science class who never shut-up and who like to turn dialogue into a debate, or worse, a screaming match. In my opinion, those people will make very good campaign managers, because that's about as far as they're going to get. I think that's why I have chosen to pursue Public/Non-Profit Administration as opposed to Political Science. It seems closer to the matters of the heart, of my heart. I didn't really plan on venting my political grievances today. I would love to be at the football game in Allendale with everyone else...I hope my sister is having a blast at her first home game at GV!! I wouldn't even mind being down at Wayne State watching SVSU kick the pants off of 'em. Oh well.......I have to go to work in a few minutes, at least I'll be making money instead of spending it. Honestly, I don't mind going to work...it's hard when you realize that everyone else is having fun, but, it's not a big deal because sometimes I'm having fun while they are working. It works both ways, and in the whole scheme of things, I'm really not missing much. If only I could've had this frame of mind six years ago. I might've actually graduated on time............NAH!!!

Destination....Procrastination

So.....I meant to write in this journal thing more often than once a week....but, things never usually work out like i plan. that is why i usually don't make a plan. however, i have found that if you do not plan anything, you will only accomplish one thing, and that's nothing. so...i have tried to be better about setting goals, making plans, and STICKING TO THEM. It seems things are a little hectic right now. I can't write very long because i came to the computer lab to do some work. So far, i have been in here for almost two hours and haven't started anything that i actually came here to accomplish.....some things never change. i hate when you are assigned a paper or something and that just isn't where your brain wants to go. that happens to me a lot. it seems like the very thing i should be doing is the one thing i can't seem to do. that kind of sounds like what Paul wrote in one of his letters to one of the -ians, (i'm not sure which one). at least i know i'm not the only one that has that problem. Sorry if this journal appears to be kind of boring so far. that is so different from what is truly going on in my mind and in my heart all the time....it'll get better, Promise!!! I just found out that there is a Poetry Slam at the Cardinal Cage tomorrow.....i think maybe i'll go....they're giving away cash prizes...why can't that be an assignment for class? i think this may prove to be another one of those experiences where i jump completely out of my comfort zone just to see what happens.....but, hey, if you're never willing to reach beyond what you already are, how are you ever going to know what you could be? aahhh, before i get too involved in that thought, i'm gonna check out. Destination....Procrastination stops here ~ it's time i got to work. these thoughts of mine swirl in and out on limbs of wisdom and wings of doubt time ticks on yet here my spindle lies a cup that overflows the sparkle in my eyes i don't think that would be worthy of a cash prize tomorrow...but it sure is exactly how i feel tonight....PEACE.

I never thought school could be this good....I never really thought life could be this good. Every time I find myself in a good situation, I feel bad about it. I don't know why, I think it's because I start to realize how many people don't have it so well, and I feel guilty. Or, I don't believe I deserve so much goodness because of how rotten I am sometimes. I realize now that God wants us to enjoy the blessings He bestows upon us. Why would He want us to feel guilty about what He has provided for us? Who are we to judge what we deserve or don't deserve? As long as you are giving credit where credit is due, why not feel grateful instead of guilty? I realize I have not been a good steward of what God has given me in the past......but it's never too late to change. I don't expect to be different overnight....even though God does have the power to do that. I want to work at it...constantly....maybe stumble once or twice along the way (not purposefully, of course) to show me how I don't want to be anymore, and remind me that the right path is narrower than the wrong one....and arrive, victorious, at the end of it all. Every hour we need Jesus and the Grace His sacrifice has provided for us. All this goodness in my life is worth nothing without Him. Because of that Grace, I can sit here at peace and gladhearted. Because of His Mercy, I can sit here humbled and forgiven. Because of His Love, I can begin to find His worth for me, and define myself according to that, instead of the self-condemnation and brutality I so often allow to grow in my heart. Lord, I want to fly like a dove with butterflies! So....I had my class today, the one where I had to sing in front of everyone. I was so nervous I had to bring the music up with me. Just before I went on, I had to ask the girls sitting near me what the squiggly marks were and some of the other symbols on the page....turns out they were rests. When my turn came up, I told the piano player that I just learned where the rests were, so my timing might be a little off. She just smiled and said she'd try to follow me if I was off. Well, I stepped out in front of everyone and attempted to pass off, with a joke, my inexperience and lack of talent in the vocal department, then proceeded to belt out "All That Jazz" from Chicago as loud as I could. I was having the time of my life!! I didn't even care if it was bad. Granted, I was shaking and my voice cracked and fell flat sometimes, but everyone was laughing and having a good time with it. I danced and sang, and they all joined in a couple times with "..all that jazz". My whole life I have wanted an opportunity just to try something like that...and I got it! Sometimes you just gotta let it all out, you know? If you wanna try something, try it!! If you wanna take a risk, but you're too scared, remember, love casts out all fear, God's love, love for others, or even love for yourself. How are you ever going to know who you are able to become if you are never willing to reach beyond who you already are? The day has been good. I have to go home and continue to unpack and attempt to put stuff away..I love not being able to watch TV right now, or not being able to get on the internet at home. I do miss Sportscenter and CNN sometimes, but my life is much more organized without all that wasted time I would spend watching TV or being online. Before I do anything tonight, though, I think I'll sit by the pond for a while and remember to give credit where credit is due.......To God Be The Glory!!!

Jumpin' on the wagon

So........I decided to jump on the wagon. I used to laugh at people that had on-line journals, cuz I thought they all sounded like middle school girls writing a diary...then I realized that I actually read them, and it helped me stay in touch with what was going on in their lives. So here I am, writing my first journal entry. Forgive me if I don't make sense sometimes. I'll try to organize my thoughts as much as possible, but I do tend to be a little speratic (sp?) and random in my thinking. Well..........my first entry has to be short, (i'll write more later), cuz it just took me way to long to set this gangster up. I just found out that I have to sing in front of everyone tomorrow (by myself!!!) in my musical theatre class........looks like someone needs to go pick out some sheet music ( i don't even read music!) and practice, A LOT. Unfortunately, this is one of those things that my humor and sheepish smile can't get me out of.......why do I continue to thrust myself into ultimate vulnerability......I think I was told once that it adds character. Hmm. The class is at eight in the morning.....so i better start drinking my warm honey-lemon water right now! I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.......PEACE!