Swimming, Swimming.......

So many times we feel like we are on the right track. So we begin to relax a little, let go of the wheel, get lazy. That is just what satan wants. He would rather us sit on the fence our whole lives, then to turn our back on God entirely. That way, we bring other believers down with us....and we all just sit on the fence....and wait. I'm uncomfortable sometimes. I tend to think that means it's time to move on. I have to keep reminding myself that, maybe, that's how I'm supposed to feel. This world is not my home. Maybe, when I get uncomfortable, it's just because I'm homesick. I love Mercy Me's song "Homesick". It rings so true in my heart every time I hear it. I miss my friends. I hang out with people here at school. I've gotten to know a lot of great people, and many have become good friends. However, I miss my other friends. I have a group that hangs out here in Saginaw, who I haven't even spoken to in months! My friend Janis is engaged...and I haven't been able to hug her yet and tell her congratulations...and here ALL about it! I miss my friends from Grand Rapids. There are so many people there who I love so much. Sometimes I contemplate moving back. Sometimes I contemplate moving somewhere else. I always get so restless. I have a lot of other friends who live all over the place. I wish I had more time for visiting. I think I'm going to try and open up some days to go see them all this summer. I could really use that right now. I have the play again today. It's really going well. God truly listened to all our prayers, and answered them, as only He can do. I love when I step out on that stage. It is one of the best feelings ever! It's like...you escape...for just a moment....and you get to share it with everyone else. I used to read so many books when I was little. I would lock myself in my bedroom and read for hours almost every day. This is kinda like that, but better. I get the same feeling stepping out on that stage that I used to get reading those books. You ever feel like you're not yourself sometimes? The last couple days, I feel like I haven't been myself. I think it's because my world has become stale to a certain degree. It's my own fault - I know that. I have not dove headlong into God's word in a long time. I have not taken the time, every day, to evaluate and grow and become a better person. I always do that, but lately, I haven't. I miss my alone time. I miss sitting quietly letting the wind whisper God's promises in my ear. I miss having real conversations with people about God's word, and digging to find more about His character. Sometimes, being back in school reminds me of high school. The same old gossip and politics that I despised long ago has crept up on me again. The problem is, instead of rising above it, and walking in the Lord's peace, i grow indignant towards it, and become stubborn, and....hateful. That is not who I am. That is not who I am at all....so, then it makes me sad. I know that most of the students here are younger than me....I forget that sometimes. I just want to be the person God created me to be....and I see her in me sometimes....and I like her. I just want to keep growing, and confronting those demons that have awaked a bitterness in me that comes out at the most inopportune times. I love the Lord and all He has to offer. I choose that. I choose that peace and that hope. I choose to be loved, and I choose to love others.