short term.

all i wanna do is run. usually that means i'm almost finished with something, but not quite there. i sometimes wonder if i'm a procrastinater because there is no pressure involved to succeed that way. if i can tell everyone i did something at the last minute, then nobody expects anything great, right? sometimes, though, i have to just wait until it appears in my head, whatever it is that's due. i've been known to do my best work when i was supposed to be working on something else. i am a coward. yet, sometimes i have been known to be the strongest person i have ever met. when met with adversity, i rise. when the going is breezy, i get tossed by the wind pretty easily. i do not have enough money to pay for my last couple of classes. i find myself a bit relieved deep down. what a great excuse not to finish, right? nobody expects money to appear out of nowhere. i'm not afraid of finishing. i'm not afraid of not finishing. i always wonder, so what? if i get out of school when i am three credits away from finishing, so what? if i finish and move on, so what? if i become famous, so what? if i move to africa and the world forgets about me, so what? so what? i've always been very good at living in the moment. that usually means i don't make very many plans. i am okay with that, for the most part. every once in a while it would be nice to take a small trip, see old friends, or have enough money to help my family...things that usually take planning. those things are never incentive for me to stick with anything for the long haul, though. i wish there were a job out there where i could go into a place, company, non-profit, church, etc. that needed a face lift, and i would come in and organize and motivate and get the place on its feet...then i would leave after putting people in place to continue the upward climb, and i would continue on to the next adventure. i don't like seeing the same people every day. i've always thrived when meeting a new group, whatever the circumstances. that's why i can't picture marriage working out for me. it wouldn't take long for my vegabond heart to grow restless. i am so thankful i cannot run away from God...and that God isn't boring. i am a short term girl.