i have missed writing. i have missed a lot of things that i didn't realize i was missing until i got the chance to do them again. usually you don't realize how much you love something until it's gone..with me, it's the opposite that's true..i don't realize how much i miss something until i get to do it again. i missed writing. i missed sleeping. i missed getting my laundry done. i missed alone time to let my mind wrap itself completely around a thought only to come full circle after the bazillion interruptions that enter my brain and actually get to realize a full conclusion to the initial thought. i know that sounds insane, but it's seriously what my mind does during my alone time. i missed conversations with God. i missed walking, reading, and spending quality time with my family and friends. i missed that feeling i get when things are really good, that fear that envelops me and tells me it's not going to last, that something horrible must be waiting in the wings. it's a terrible feeling, and i have had to remind myself a gazillion times tonight that things are far from perfect and i should enjoy this moment, this evening where i get to breathe and relax and dream about the possibility of what is around the corner, instead of dreading that it could be catastrophic. i just finished watching "little black book". i was sitting in the attic, in the dark, on molly's grandmother's couch, and watching one of those movies that is one of your favorites but you kind of forget about it when people ask you what your favorite movie is... at commercials, i would flip back and forth between wwe wrestling and the national spelling bee. now, i am flipping back and forth to a website that keeps me updated on the piston's game. just to let you know...they're up 70-65. go pistons! i tell you all of this because it has truly been a good night. i went on a nice bike ride, after finding out i was not needed at work, and sat at my usual spot by the river for a while. i didn't waste any money, well, partly because i don't have any, and i didn't eat a bunch of crap-food. i'm actually partly listing these things off, i think, to remind myself what a good night, for me, entails. so many times i think i know what i need, based on how i feel, and i follow the wrong instinct. is it possible to follow the wrong instinct? i guess, what i have found is, i can never really go wrong by spending some quiet time, alone. however, it is a balancing act, because you can begin to withdraw from society and people in general just because it's easier. i do the best when i have managed to plan out some time during the week to spend with my family, whether it's my nephew's ball game, or a morning spent with my mom, both of which i have had this week. i also do well when i spend some time with someone i truly care about, and who knows me well, or has seen me on one of my not-so-good days and still wants to be friends with me. i have some amazing people in my life who i don't get to see very often, but each time i do it's quality. okay...i have begun rambling now, so i'm going to check out before it becomes one of co's crazy blah, blah, blahs. it's a great night, and i'm going to enjoy the rest of it.