which is a shame, because i love meg ryan and billy crystal.
friends aren't always meant to be together.
really. i always thought that they were because of stupid movies like this one...but it's not true. (big sigh)...it's a brilliant phone scene...you know, after they sleep together and they each call their best friends, who happen to be married. excellent move by the writers to have that scene...well played by the director...but i'm getting distracted...
i thought maybe, if two people were friends, eventually they were meant to be together, (especially when everyone you know is pushing for you to be together...and assuming that you've already been together, even though you haven't), and it was only just recently i realized how untrue that is, and how jaded i've been from stupid movies like this one (almost screwing up perfectly good friendships because of such jaded-ness.) two friends show up by themselves at a wedding years later, and end up sitting by each other...you might think it's meant to be...but i know that is not the case, and he knows that's not the case...but everyone else seems to be just as jaded as i used to be. i know. i used to be so sure, and now, sitting here, watching this movie, i realize...i don't know a damn thing...thank goodness.
i was in damons getting a drink (if you ever want to meet a successful single man, go into damon's on a thursday night.) it was flattering, the attention i received, especially since i was in sweatpants and no make-up, but really dis-heartening as well...because they don't even know me. they see a girl interested in the colorado/west virginia game, drinking a beer, and they want to marry you. they don't know that i am indecisive, loud, sometimes irrational, and often incomprehensible. they just see a young, blonde chic drinkin' and watchin' the game, and thinking (maybe because of stupid movies they have watched, as well) that we might be destined to be together...or maybe, they just want to know my name...and i'm the one that's giving myself too much credit assuming the rest.
(oh great..."pure country" is on cmt. that's another one of 'those' movies. it has my favorite song in it...at the end, of course...when the star-crossed lovers end up together because he sings "cross my heart" to her, while she sits in the front row of his awesome las vegas concert...i think.)
i'm not as bitter, or cynical, or jaded as i sound. believe it or not i am feeling pretty confident, and secure, and relieved. i am relieved because i see it now...i see how wrong i was, and am, and probably will be, because of movies like these.
i just recently had my ten year reunion...yes, my high school reunion, thank you very much...and i saw a man...who i thought was my soulmate when i was sixteen.
seriously. i do appreciate him as a person, don't get me wrong...but i kissed him...of course i did...hello?! it was fun...until, mid-kiss, when he professed his love for me. he told me he loves me, he's sure of it, he's always loved me...
oh, crap.
suddenly kissing wasn't as much fun. (you'll have to forgive me if this is a little choppy and...well, awkward...i've had some champagne, and i am an awkward person...cheers...so i'm going to tell this story as is, and probably allow it to be published and remain on my blog...however embarrassing it might be in the morning...because it must be coming from some place honest within me.) suddenly...i felt a burden...a burden to be honest about what feelings i don't have, and haven't had for a long time. the funny thing is, it didn't seem to sway him one way or the other...as if he thought i was denying myself the truth of the matter...when the truth of the matter was i couldn't wait to get back to camp and forget about what had just taken place.
i'm tired of my unavailable friends offering availability to me, if i were to be so inclined...that just makes me sad, and happens more often then anyone would care to know. i'm tired of everyone trying to set me up with their son, or grandson, or godson, simply because i am old and unattached. really? am i not a whole person because i don't have somebody to 'share my life with?'...um...news flash...i share my life with a lot of people...but, mostly, i share my life with God. why is that not enough for others?
a friend of mine said that the ladies at his church told him he needs to meet a nice girl with good credit...ha. i don't want someone to save me. i want to save myself. i would like to know i can do it on my own before someone else comes along who can do it for me. i want to know that i succeeded, and made good choices, for me. therefore, i shouldn't be surprised i haven't met that guy i'm going to spend the rest of my life with...because i'm still making some idiotic choices...
maybe when i start making some really good choices, that's when i'll meet mister right...maybe it's that very thought that keeps me from making good choices....
maybe...it's time to get under the covers and appreciate how far i've come...and appreciate movies like this that make me smile...but don't define my life, or gauge my decisions any longer.
maybe, i'm doin' just fine..just me and God.
just me and God - i like the sound of that....
You need to write a book...a book that never ends. You're so honest & I love it.
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