Worth Re-visiting....

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Don't Break a Heart...Break a Leg

Tonight my heart is racing, not from nervousness or fear, but racing with love and hope, a little sorrow and a great deal of mercy. We had our second audition tonight for "Frankenstein". I can honestly say I gave everything I had, and left anything I had left from the day on that stage tonight. All I wanted was a chance...the opportunity to show people what I could do, the opportunity to show myself what I could do. I was given the opportunity and rose to the occasion. What more can I ask for? After auditions, I had the familiar afterthought, wondering if it just wasn't enough, or wondering if it was too much. The thought was replaced quickly by the realization that everything happens as it should, I truly did my best, and there was nothing more I could do. Suddenly, I also remembered where I live. I live with homeless women. I walk past people every day, either on the street or in the halls, and I feel their pain, their hopelessness. Suddenly, what I was feeling was blessed, not stressed. I had the chance to be on stage tonight and lose myself in a moment, in a character, and come out a better person. I had the chance to feel that fire in my gut, the ache in my chest, the passion come alive and unfold before me, within me. I came home tonight and talked to one of our guests about her housing situation. I was supposed to help her move her few items into a new apartment tomorrow. She has been delayed another week. You could just see the anguish in her face. We will go tomorrow to get a few other things in order. You see, she doesn't have a car, either. I reminded her that she always has a place here, at this house, and that we are happy to have her however long it takes...words didn't seem to be enough tonight, but tomorrow is a new day, and she never stays down for long. She then told me that the other house guest we have went into the hospital tonight. She is 7 months along, and her baby has downs syndrome. She moved in with us to be closer to the hospital, and it's a good thing she did, the baby has fluid around his heart. If it is as bad as they think, she could have an emergency C-section tomorrow...so we will drop in to see her just in case. Then, I am off to a baby shower for my friend Melissa. Melissa was on bed rest for two months or so because there was a tear in her uterus, and the doctor's were worried about her safety. Abigail was born early and stayed in the NICU for a while. She is now almost two months old, and healthy, and mom is doing fine. Tomorrow I get to see Abigail for the first time. We are going to have one heck of a celebration! In the middle of all of this, I will stop by SVSU and check to see if my name is on the cast list. It seems trivial compared to all that is taking place tomorrow...but I know it is just as important, for it will determine my next move. If my name is not on the list, I know that my time and energy is needed elsewhere. If my name is on the list, I will work very hard to honor those who gave it their all tonight, and bring everything I have and everything I am to each rehearsal, making the most of the opportunity presented to me. I think deep down I know the answer, and I humbly say "well done" to all who are chosen. As I lay my head on my pillow tonight, my thoughts will turn to my brother, as they do each night. I picture him on a cot in a cell, and wonder if his blanket is warm enough. Nobody is beyond hope, nobody is beyond redemption. Nobody is so far gone that God can't reach them. Nobody. With that, I whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for God bringing me to a new place tonight, and a prayer of hope for everyone who is laying in bed, or sitting on a barstool, or curled up in a corner, or driving down the highway, clouded by fear and despair. I pray that the Son may begin to peek through the clouds as you get through one day at a time. 

*Happy to report that little Abigail is a rambunctious kid who is healthy and strong...and mom and dad have had another healthy child, a son Miles, to add to their beautiful family.  My brother is working in Midland and doing very well, and both women from the Jeanine House are in their own apartments and doing fine.  The woman had an adorable baby, who was born premature, but doing very well now.  Wow - so many happy endings!  God is good.....