Another Light in the Sky is Gone

A friend of mine once said that the stars in the sky represented to him all the souls that still walked around this world aimlessly...searching. I can't help but feel that another star has been lost. It slowly burnt out on Saturday evening. The desparation, pain, and anguish of a young man proved to be too much for one soul to bear alone. We have all been there, close to the edge, wondering if this world would be a better place without us. Some have been closer to the edge than others. Some are gone. Some are left here to wander and to wonder if there could have been anything to stop the light from burning out. Most who are left blame themselves in some way. What makes us so vain to think that we might be able to do something to stop or, at least, stall tragedy? That seems to me to be too much responsibility for anybody. I believe the best thing we can do is to make sure our own light is burning as bright as it can...and hope that, just maybe, it is burning bright enough to illuminate someone else whose light might be going out. My light has been very dim in the past. At one point, there were just ashes, the embers had been spread apart and left to burn out slowly. Somehow, God has ignited the flame and given me a crown of beauty from the ashes that remained in my heart. He used His light when mine had gone. I only hope that other wandering souls can look up and see God's light and find peace in knowing that they don't have to fight so hard anymore. They can find rest because God's light is there, and will never burn out, no matter how many ashes remain in our hearts. There is something to be said about people, and the way they come together when tragedy strikes. This young man not only knows and feels God's love for him, but also understands how deeply his life was cherished by all he left behind. I think this he would be pleasantly surprised and very proud of the way his fraternity brothers have come together to wish him peace in his time of rest. I have been known to go on and on about the gentleman to which I am referring, gushing about how proud I am to know them and how much of a difference they have made to me and so many others. This time of need for so many is no exception. So many of them unselfishly giving their time and energy when they, themselves, have so little left to give. Grabbing on to one another in hope and desparation, making sure each brother feels significant in the role they play in the fraternity and in this world. I am not even there, but I know these things are happening. I have been hanging around these gentleman for some time, and I have seen them come together for the greater good on more than one occasion. These guys do this sort of thing all the time. I have had the opportunity to hang around and meet other fraternities, but I have never seen or felt the power of true Brotherhood like I feel when I am with these gentleman. They define it through their actions towards each other, their school, their families, and their communities. They become mentors to each new pledge class, and stay in touch long after they graduate. They will hassle and joke with one another, but when it comes to the important things, the good stuff, everything else fades away and they are there for one another with a truly unbreakable bond. I am honored to know the gentleman of Delta Sigma Phi. I am so proud of all of them and wish I could stand in front of each one and share how special they are to me just by being a part of such a remarkable family of brothers. If they were accepted into this family by the gentleman who were already a part of it, then I know they can't be just anybody, they are somebody as remarkable as the group to which they belong. I wish them strength. I wish them peace. Most of all I wish God's light on each of them for the rest of their days. May the light of Delta Sigma Phi burn brightly for eternity.

It's amazing how you can meet someone once, only see them a couple times, and they leave a mark on you that you will never forget. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I miss you! 

Out of gas......and out of money

As the Homecoming Week draws to a close tomorrow with the parade and the game, I have one word to describe how I feel.....AMEN! I know that I should be excited about what went on this week, and I'm sure one day I will be, but right now...at 3:30 in the morning...I feel....tired. I sacrificed a lot to accomplish all the things that needed to be accomplished this week. Just today alone I was at the school from 8am to 8pm working on Homecoming stuff. I sacrificed too much. I have so much repair work to do that I don't even know where to get started. I have to start working more through the week to be able to pay the bills that have already come in. I have to go see each of my professors and figure out what I can do to get back on track with my classes. I have to work on memorizing my lines for the play and some scenes I'm in next week. I have to make time for reading God's word everyday, it seems to be the only thing that can still my anxious heart. I can't help but feel that everyone else is taking care of themselves and what they need to do and I am not. I ask them to do something and they have no problem telling me no because they have homework, work, or they just can't do it. I don't berade them or blame them because I understand. How come I do not allow myself the same luxury? Well, not even luxury, the same necessity, really. Is it really all worth it for the organization to meet it's goals this year? So, we meet our goals.....so what? Is it worth it if, at the end of it all, I am so burnt out and incapable of accomplishing any of my goals that I just want to leave this school and never look back? How do you know where to draw the line for yourself when you're the leader? I am not afraid to say that if I had not put in the work that I had this week, we would not have accomplished half of what we did. Is that the way it should be? Am I really helping people out by doing that? Is that inspiring people to believe in themselves and their own capabilities, or believe in the organization as a whole? A couple of the e-board members asked me how I felt after this week and I was as honest as I could be at that moment. I told them that we had fun, we did well....yes, I am tired, but I chose to be as involved as I was and make the sacrifices that I made, and I was satisfied. After thinking a little longer about it, I know that the true word to describe how I feel is disappointed. I am disappointed in myself. I am disappointed about some of the choices I made, and disappointed that we were unable to accomplish great things this week as a group. I feel that rests on my shoulders, as the leader. I know that it is not entirely my fault, and that some people are just not going to be involved. I understand that completely. However, I do believe that we would have had more participation from some people had I pursued it differently. Even if I did give something to someone and they dropped the ball, why didn't I just let it drop? I had to go in and do what I could to save the situation so we would still earn some points. I still feel it was worth it somehow...and I don't know, at this time, what I could have done differently, but I'm sure I will begin to figure it out in the next couple of days. We have another project next week for Battle of the Valleys. Thinking about that tonight as I was laying in bed attempting to go to sleep, I wanted to toss the whole idea out the window. Now, after thinking about all that happened this week, I want to try to use this next project as an experiment in leadership. I would like to go about it a bit different and see what kind of results come out of it. I hope that I can reach my goal of inspiring others to believe in themselves, and believe in our organization. If anything comes out of this year, I hope it's that. I feel much better now.....but I do need to get some sleep, the parade starts pretty early, and, of course, I want to be there earlier to make sure everything is in place;)