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Monday, December 31, 2007

I haven't written in quite some time, so what better time to start again then 11:11 pm on New Year's Eve. I am at home, in my pajamas, and all is quiet. I like the quiet today. I thought about the different parties I could've attended tonight, or the slumber party with the girls, a night at my mom's, or even a stop at the bars quickly to ring in the new year...you know what? Not one of those options sounded even remotely appealing. The truth is so many people feel so unhappy on New Year's. There is a lot of shallow celebration and people trying to meet the impossible expectations they have put on this one night of the year. It always seems a bit disappointing somehow. The truth is, I usually do what I want when I want, whether it be going out on the town on a Sunday, eating chocolate cake for breakfast, going grocery shopping at four in the morning, or taking a nap at 8 o'clock at night. So, here I sit, at home, watching the snow come down, and watching the live celebration from Times Square, and you know what? I am content. It's nice to sit here and be able to say that I am happy with who I am, with how far I've come, and excited to see where I go from here. I am so relieved everything went well last week with my sister's wedding and bachelorette party, not to mention the holiday, and my big sister and her family coming into town. My family is happy and healthy. My sister is in California on her honeymoon with the man of her dreams. I am absolutely exhausted from all that has happened this semester, and all the craziness that has been my "break". I decided that tonight was going to be the break I've been waiting for, and truly feel I deserve, at this point. My body is breaking down and telling me it's time to get some rest. I still have a lot to accomplish this week with some overdue papers to write, scenes to memorize and block for ACTF, and rehearsal for the show I'm stage managing, but, overall, I am happy- As I wrote this last statement I received an emergency phone call from someone needing assistance, and as I hung up the phone gun shots rang out from somewhere quite close. If I wouldn't have stayed home tonight, there would have been no one to take that call. Man, there is so much to be done in Saginaw. I believe it is possible. I really do. For tonight, which is a rarity for me, I will cast all of it aside and sit and watch the ball drop with little more on my heart and mind than a tiny celebration of this life that God has given me. I wish everyone a safe and happy new year....as I write this I realize something tragic is happening outside, as the sound of sirens pierce through the falling snow...I will not allow it to bring me down, only empower me to know that I am doing the right thing by living here. God help us all.