Finding My Port

Last week, I came home from a friend's house around three in the morning, because I couldn't sleep, and had to be up for work in three hours. I came home, hopped into bed, and still couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning, I began to assess different areas of my life. Naturally, I always think if I can't sleep, I must be discontent with something in my life, right? The fact is, I could already tell I was discontent, but couldn't quite place what it was exactly. I like to project feelings onto something else, if I'm unsure exactly what discontents me. I learned to do that early on, when I was a young girl going through puberty, and becoming 'emotional' for no reason, wondering what the heck was wrong with me. I also like to invent things to be upset about, when I'm too lazy, or not really sure how to begin finding a resolution. I realize I'm giving you a lot of damaging information about myself. So, was this just a seasonal thing? I mean, it is January, pretty much the most depressing month of the year, and I had lost my job, and moved away from a community I lived in for seven years.

After thinking about different things that had happened, and assessing all current circumstances in my life, I came to the conclusion that I was dissatisfied with, not just one aspect of my life, but every aspect of my life. There was not one area where I was like, 'Yeah, that's going okay'. Yikes. Well, the only person who can change that is me. So, I have begun the mass overhaul. Now, psychologists warn against making any big life decisions or changes during this 'time of seasonal depression', stating that you might not be in the correct frame of mind to choose the best option. I think psychology is incredibly subjective (pun intended), but, surprisingly, I choose to heed the warning....kind of. Okay, I didn't follow the advice of psychologists, but I am taking steps, instead of handling everything in a matter of, say, a day. One thing at a time. Hahahaha. Yeah, I don't really work like that, unfortunately. Stay tuned....because things are about to get interesting.... ;)