Letters to God...

I often write my prayers to God in a journal...this one I wrote many moons ago, but it seems relevant to how I'm feeling in this minute.... 5-26-04 Oh Lord. That I would be so foolish as to think that it is all up to me! I see AIDS in Africa, I see homeless everywhere, I see people who do not believe in anything. I lose so much hope for us all when I see what Hollywood has become. Magazines make me feel inadequate. Then I look at my middle school students and know the road is even harder for them. I get so overwhelmed I often sit and do nothing. It's like a big puzzle and all the pieces are laid out in front of me - where do I begin? Especially since there is no picture on the box to show me what the final picture is supposed to look like. I'm going to stop worrying about the big stuff. There are so many samll things I can do EVERY DAY that will make a difference in Your Kingdom. The small stuff has just as much significance as the big stuff. It is the small stuff that offers hope and sustains people. it is the small stuff that only You see and no one else that keeps me humble. I know what you are capable of doing with my life, Lord, and it scares me. I don't know if it scares me that you will do so much and overwhelm me, or if it scares me that my life will not be a success as the world sees it, and that I will be humbled more and more every day as my relationship with you grows richer. The truth is, if you are there, Lord...I want to be there, too. I want to start today - doing all the small stuff that can make a difference today. I know you will take care of tomorrow. I don't know if I have tomorrow - but I know that I have whatever moment I am in and I will praise You for whatever the moment brings. The doubts come, but they also go, because in those moments You fill my heart with so much love - love I know I am not capable of creating on my own, and the doubts disappear. I find Your power in resisting the devil. I find Your power in the quiet moments throughout my day. I find Your power in the midst of a storm, or in the glory of a sunset. I find Your power in my weakness. Most importantly, I find Your love in Your power. That is how I desire to be. Thank You for Your power. Thank You for Your love. Thank You for Your Son. In Jesus' precious name - Amen.

Couldn't sleep....surprised?

Cold shoulder. Bowled over. Mind blower. Edge duller. Riding cars. Smoky bars. Giant red candy jars. Glass. Porcelain. Skin within. Let’s begin. Forty-five miles per hour. Pink drink. Something stinks. Cigarettes in the sink. Damp. Wood floors. Painted doors. Girls galore. Nevermore. Bullseye. One cheap shot. Deserves another. Fingers laced. Hesitates. Too late, my friend. No end No end No end

Last Night @ the Coffee Shop

Chatter. Coffee. Cream. The Scene Do they see me? Bare feet on leather Bare soul in full view Nobody's looking. I dreamt this place once I dream another place Sitting. Dreaming. Warm cinnamon rolls Laughter rolls freely Applaud. Check mate. Fingerpaint walls Fingerprint of God Fingering the leather Beige. I don't belong here Outside looking in Warm lights My bones are cold. Fallen pieces Disregard Laughter cannot penetrate brick walls

Tomorrow....

I would like to re-appear, better than ever!

Sunny Disposition...Overcast Heart

Today I would like to disappear.