Another Rockin' Semester......

It looks like another rockin' semester is in the works. I thought it was going to be kinda "eh" compared to last semester, but i think i will be pleasantly surprised. i haven't really gotten back into the school mode yet...i even forgot to grab my book and paper and stuff for my class yesterday...i had to borrow from the computer lab...but it went well...it was public speaking. unfortunately, i have managed to arrive late to every class i've had this week. who arrives late on the first day? apparently, i do. i had originally scheduled a four hour night class - accounting. who does that besides a crazy lady? i wasn't really looking forward to it, but i need it eventually, anyway. then, a friend told me the professor i had for that class was impossible - to understand and to pass without a but load of outside work. i hate outside of class work. i know that's what a majority of college is, outside work, but not to actually have to go through the book and teach yourself everything - in accounting. so.....i was searching the on-line registration, and just happened upon an english class i had previously tried to get in but it was closed. there was one opening in the class - so i signed up. it's a poetry class - ROCK ON! i just got out of it, and it is going to be awesome, it will be outside work, but, chances are it is work i am already doing, on my own time: reading and analyzing poems, and maybe taking a stab at writing some of my own. we'll see....... fate is in my corner, well, not fate, more like faith. the intro to directing class i wanted was completely full with a waiting list of more than ten students. i happen to jump on the computer at the same time that someone dropped the class and managed to squeeze in before someone from the waiting list was contacted - that's awesome! i also am in an intermediate acting class with the more brilliant actors from svsu. in my intro to acting class i was somewhere in the middle, which was good - i am now at the bottom of the barrel staring up in ernest. i am going to learn a ton in this class and be stretched yet again from my little box that has grown increasingly bigger with each risk i take. lastly, i am taking a public speaking course. i am deathly afraid of that class. i do realize, however, so is everyone else who is in there. there will be some brilliant speakers, there will be some not so brilliant speakers. we're all there for the same reason, to get better. i like to think that is what we all have in common, and puts us all on the same level, no matter how brilliant we are or are not. you ever have those moments where something seems so perplexing, then suddenly your mind clears the sun peaks from behind the clouds, and the answer is staring at you as if it had been there in plain english all along? i get that more and more as time goes on. i got that today while analyzing an Emily Dickenson poem for a quiz (that's right..we had a quiz..never mind that i had just signed up for the class today and missed the first one...but the professor said if i bombed it i could make it up somehow....that's reassuring :) anyway....i was staring at her somewhat obscure language and grammatical structure......suddenly i began to write, and as i wrote, more came to me and it began to make sense.....i know, an emily dickenson poem began to make sense!!!! that's crazy. now, the way i see it, i am either completely right on with comparing the "narrow man in the grass" with a skeleton, and a "House of Prose" with the ordinary and uninviting status quo, or i am way off and will be mortified when the somewhat obvious to everyone else answer that is completely different from anything i was thinking of is revealed. i somewhat hope i am wrong......isn't that funny? all through school we write something we perseve to be brilliant and hand it in knowing that the teacher is going to be moved to tears and read it aloud to the class the next day, only to be crushed when we receive the paper back with a red marker all over it and a note telling us that we got way off track and must have not been paying attention when the directions were given...whoops. what happened to brilliant? more like brilliantly off focus. in this case though, i hope there is red marker all over challenging me to dig deeper and look harder, or stop looking so hard and perceive what is staring me in the face. if i am right, the professor might expect more than i can give, and the class might, too. in a class like this, i would rather sit in my own little corner and listen to what others bring to the table, giving my input but giving it in a way that no one would know it was mine, not because i fear i will be wrong, but more because i fear i will be right. is that silly? maybe. theatre is not a practical major - bull. i've never felt like i was being more practical than right now. everything and nothing makes sense. i am no longer searching beyond myself but within myself. i can share real experiences and truly get to know the inner workings of my classmates. i am vulnerable but safe, open but real. if nothing else...i feel at home. 2005 is definitely going to rock.