Time After Time

It's 3:30 in the morning.....and, yep, I'm still awake. Things have been kinda crazy lately. I've been craving a lot of alone time. Rehearsal is my favorite time of the day...but I have been having to put in a couple extra hours of practice in each day as well, since I'm not as musically inclined as the others. I love going into the piano practice rooms and fighting my way through a song until I have my part down. I've learned a lot about music, how to read music, and harmonizing (since I sing the dreaded alto part). I love it. I absolutely love it. There is so much to do all the time. I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions right now and it continues to build. I love all that I am involved in, but it does get hard to manage at times. I am behind in some things, and need to take some time to catch up and get my bearings back. I know myself well enough, however, to realize that, when I am busy, that is when I am the most productive. There is something almost peaceful about being up at this time, just taking everything in and gaining a new perspective on all of it. The truth is, none of it truly matters. I mean, it matters to a certain degree, but it is not the most important thing. The problem is, the one thing that does matter, is the one thing I feel like I'm lacking the most right now, or spending the least amount of time on. I do not talk directly to God nearly enough. I know He hears me and I listen for His leading, however, I often act or react on impulse and don't take the time necessary to allow God to work in my heart concerning my day-to-day decisions. I have not built up my relationships with people, either, but have begun to actually build up a wall instead. I'm not really sure why, and I'm not exactly sure how to go about tearing down what I have built so far. I'm sure it will take some time. It has been really hard to focus on classes this week, in fact, I haven't focused on them at all, and have some repair work to do there, as well. Suddenly, my mind feels so clear, and I know it is God opening me up to new possibilities of enlightenment. The pressure is off in this moment, and I am content. Today is a new day. God is the same God. I can be whoever I make up my mind to be. Right now I want to be asleep :)