Message in a Bottle

i rest my cheek against the cold steel and begin to drift to another time. in my mind my father is driving deep into the foothills. "these eyes" and "stand by me" flow out of the speaker near my ear as the landscape rolls along outside my window. rivers of rootbeer and signs warning against falling rocks rush past. i wonder if the roses saw the sign before they lost their precious avery. i bet there's a sign there now. my mind travels up the foothills to the little red cabin. the smell of kerosene, dust, and down fill my nostrils. further up the steep hill, around the bend where the lily pads stand at attention my grandfather waits for someone to visit, but no one has come for a long time so he lies still and helps the evergreens grow. my mind travels to my grandmother sitting alone in her little apartment having nothing to do but think about all she has lost. she looks at the calendar and reailzes everyone has forgot her birthday even her. my mind reaches back and suddenly i am sitting at my grandmother's table eating the best macaroni and cheese on the planet, and smiling up at my dad because tonight i get to choose which game we play. everyone knows i always pick bingo. you don't have to be smart to win at bingo just lucky. i wish they would talk more. my grandmother has only mentioned her brother once when she told me about watching him wither in europe. she never mentions wave. no one ever mentions wave. i think people might be worried that suicide is contagious so i don't talk about her either. suddenly my mind takes me to a darker place. i walk slowly up to the body in the coffin. her face is right in line with mine and i am scared. it is not lisa. it is a witch. she is green and ugly and i never want to see her again. not like that. my dad used to let my brother and i use her bathtub when she would stay out late. her and her brother were the best roomates ever. he was really nice. sometimes he was too nice. i blink to bring my mind to a different place. i stare at the canisters of cotton swabs and bandaids. the door opens slightly and a nurse peeks her head around to see how i am doing. i do not acknowledge her intrusion, and instead only blink sending my mind further back into my memories.