My whole life I have always been late. Late bloomer, late for appointments, even late to mature...socially. Just....late.
With God, however, timing is everything. It’s all happening just as it should, in it’s own time.
I am not late. I am right where God wants me to be. Or, maybe, I am not where God wants me to be, but He’s going to use me in this time, in this place, in spite of my eternal tardiness. You want to hear something strange? I never thought I would live to see 30. Maybe I’m just late on that one, too.
I once was late for an appointment with a friend, who was my boss at the time. When I arrived exasperated and huffing and puffing to show him I “sure tried real hard to hurry” but was late anyway, he said something really interesting that stuck with me forever. He simply said, “You know, when you’re late, Colleen, it makes the person waiting feel like you felt there was something more important than them.” I wish I could say I haven’t been late since. I can say however, that I am usually the person left waiting now, and I always repeat the quote to the latecomer who is often huffing and puffing and making excuses when they arrive.
Distractions annoy me. (Funny statement to write, as it has absolutely nothing to do with the previous paragraph...see...annoying:) Distractions can be annoying...especially if it’s somebody on their phone or computer while they are hanging out with you. I think being on your phone, texting, or being on your computer makes the people you’re with feel like there is someplace else you would rather be. If there is someplace else you would rather be, my friends all know, I would rather you be there than feeling like you’re stuck with me. I never want anyone to talk to me or hang out with me out of a sense of obligation. Gross. Go, be happy doing what you want to do. I want you to be happy. So, you are not doing me any favors by hanging out with me or talking to me trying to make me happy. I know how to be happy all by myself. I want you to know how to be happy all by yourself, too.
I used to be distracted all the time when I would hang out with other people. Back then it wasn’t so much about phones or laptops...you were lucky if you knew a handful of people who owned them, but more about waiting for something better to come along. I would always keep myself open in case something more engaging cropped up. I think that’s where my affinity towards a lack of making plans began. I realized I was never fully engaged in any one moment. That gets tiring after a while. Plus, it doesn’t make you happy. You can never be quite fully satisfied that way. I’m not sure when things changed for me in this regard. I think it might have been accidentally letting go of a little of the control and realizing how enjoyable that could be. Maybe it was some significant event (although not quite significant enough to recall at the moment) that made me desire to live in the moment and cherish the people close to me in that time, in that place. Whatever it was, I’m grateful for it. I now fully engage in almost every moment I’m in, especially if it involves people who are dear to me; and I have a lot of amazing people who are very dear to me. Perhaps this appreciation came when I stopped being able to see my friends and family so regularly. I’m not sure. All I know is I find joy now in every moment, and appreciate exactly where I am, and who I am with, as it is happening. I am fully present. I think that is one of the best feelings in the world. That is joy.
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