September 15, 2009
11:36pm
I find myself in my bed...staring at nothing...wide awake. I was at the school for 15 hours today. I left, exhausted, leaving everything exactly where it was, knowing I would be coming in early in the morning to organize it all for the day, and then most definitely stay after school to attempt to catch up a bit. I can’t tell if I’m overstimulated right now, energized and inspired, or if I’ve completely lost my mind laying here in the dark singing Billy Joel songs, almost at the top of my lungs, and then laughing...out loud....maybe it’s a little bit of all three of those things.
I go through, in my mind, the little things that I always seem to forget about during the day that need to be done to keep me moving forward. I, then, make a list on a blank sheet of paper near my bed...and then add it to the pile of lists in my bag, waiting for my attention...because I never actually get to anything on the lists. Seems Miss Cartwright always wants to bite off more than she can chew, and then lays in the dark, in the middle of the night, wide awake, singing Billy Joel songs because, frankly, she doesn’t really know what else to do.
Apparently, she has also begun referring to herself in the third person.
You know what? I’m gonna do this...I’m gonna get through all of this...and I’m going to do it well....well, at least as well as I can, and hopefully better than I did before. That’s all you can do, right? Do the best you can, work hard, and try to improve. It’s going to take a lot of extra work, and a ton of extra discipline, but I’m willing to make the sacrifice if it means that the Theatre reputation at SASA keeps going up, and the students continue to grow and learn about not just theatre, but life in general. I love these kids. I really do. I want to do right by them, and give them the best education possible for me to be able to give them. I don’t want to even think that they would be short-changed simply because I decided to spend my time and energy on something else. My task is here and now. Every day is different. Every day I am met with new obstacles, new personalities, new drama, new standards, new circumstances, and new time constraints...that’s on top of all the old stuff that already existed. It’s crazy if I think about all of it at once...so I don’t. One step at a time. One class at a time. One day at a time. One lesson at a time....and sometimes, one conversation at a time. Sometimes the conversation I have with a student before the bell even rings, and they come in early because they just want to talk, is the most important thing I might do that day...so I better be willing to set down what I’m working on and listen...really listen. I can’t do it all the time or I would never get anything done. It’s so important to be able to gauge those situations as they come. It’s hard to do when half of your students are new. I’m just getting a feel for their personalities and preferences. I can feel that the class is still working on finding that common ground and understanding where they fit in the scheme of things. It’s an interesting dynamic to watch, really.
I can feel myself getting tired. I would like to think I can get some sort of rest considering my alarm will ring in roughly 5 hours. As long as I get at least 4 hours of sleep during the night, I’m usually pretty good. I have a couple of students coming in to work on audition stuff for Pit & Balcony after school, but then I can come home and crash for a couple of hours before heading back up to the school to work on play stuff for our fall show. Starting next week I won’t be able to do that anymore because we will begin rehearsals or set building every day after school through November. Yikes! Then I have auditions for the next show in December, and the Middle School play will be happening around the same time. We are planning on having a grand opening performance for the new auditorium and a performance for the musical theatre class, as well. Basically this is my last week to have any kind of free time after school. I should have scheduled doctor and dentist appointments this week, but I ran out of time. Now I have no idea when I’ll be able to get into the dentist or doctor because there is no time available on the weekdays. I have to find time...I need to take full advantage of having benefits for the first time in years...and years...and years. I’ll do it. I’ll figure it out and everything will work out. I said that 29 was about moving forward, and 30 is going to be about balance. I will find balance. Man, it just keeps getting better...my life.
I am blessed.
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